Steve

A pop culture junkie with an affinity for bad horror films and guacamole. Enjoy my ramblings. They are nothing more than a desperate attempt at remaining relevant.

Review: ‘Man Of Steel’, Or, Proving There Is Life After Batman

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Jun 162013

“You’re the answer, son. You’re the answer to “are we alone in the universe”.” Jonathan Kent

A lot of DC suits have their sphincters tied in a knot over this flick. Fail here and plans for that Justice League payday are likely to be put on indefinite hold. Yet while Man of Steel seems to be losing traction on the tomato-meter almost daily, it appears that producer Christopher Nolan and director Zack Snyder have laid the groundwork for a promising return to the Super-verse. Man of Steel doesn’t work on every level, but the film as a whole is a game effort and certainly a step in the right direction for the DC cinematic brand.

It’s easy to spot both Nolan’s and Snyder’s influence on this film. The problem exists that both “styles” of storytelling don’t always mesh well, leaving the viewer with an oil and water effect, having felt like this was two separate films mashed together. I absolutely loved the first half of the film. Reminiscent of Batman Begins, the exploration of Kal-El’s origin and his subsequent childhood years, told fantastically through flashback sequences, offered a glimpse into the character that we never really got before. For once we were getting to see the man minus the super.

While we were getting a look at this more stripped down, gritty version of Clark Kent, the film desperately tried to explore some deeper ideas. Why? How? Could the world really be accepting of someone like this? Is saving the world from itself always the right thing to do? It’s a tricky road to travel with a character built on the premise of ‘truth, justice and the American way.’ Unfortunately, just as the film had set itself up to explore these themes, someone left Zack Snyder unattended in the control room.

I’m not a Snyder hater. I have enjoyed a lot of his past work. But what he does here is almost single handedly destroy the solid groundwork that was laid in the early part of this film through a garish display of CGI tomfoolery that would make Michael Bay blush. While parts of the spectacle were decent to look at, the extent of sensory overload we’re exposed to borders on offensive. Reports came out after The Avengers movie estimating the dollar amount to fix the damage done to New York City in the film. I can only assume it would pale in comparison to whatever figure is given to the reconstruction efforts in rebuilding Metropolis. At some point Snyder must have shouted out “we’re not wrapping this bitch until every last building in the city is destroyed!” While I want to see action in my Superman film, and I want to see a few large buildings sacrificed as a result, there comes a point when it becomes ridiculous, and Snyder moves a good 10-15 minutes past that point. Also falling victim to the obscene level of destruction is many of the earlier themes of the film. Never mind is the world ready for Superman. How about the fact that the world’s largest city lays in ruins with what has to amount to thousands of civilian deaths and not one second of screen time cares to deal with it.

The casting for Man of Steel is great. Henry Cavill is completely believable in the red cape. Going with a relative unknown was the right approach here. You can put an A-lister behind the Batman cowl and get away with it. That doesn’t work as well when your trying to convince an audience that the actor fighting the forces of evil is truly the hero he is portraying. (I’m looking at you Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern) Amy Adams also works for me as Lois Lane. She can pull off feisty and feminine, and she compliments Cavill’s style on screen quite well.

A lot is being said about Michael Shannon’s portrayal of General Zod. Most of it is less than stellar. I had no problems with Shannon’s performance. I sense most of the issues he might have had come more from the way his character was written for the film than anything Shannon did. This is a very different Zod than we remember from the early films and I really liked the approach to the character. Also getting a hearty portion of screen time is Russell Crowe as Jor-El. Crowe is up for the task and breathes life into a character than has never been given much to do. Kevin Costner and Diane Lane as Clark’s adoptive parents are fine. They don’t particularly stand out but never do anything to harm the film, although the way Costner’s arc plays out is quite lame.

Hans Zimmer’s score should get credit as a supporting role. Every note of this magnificent soundtrack enhances the cinematic experience. Good music is like a good garnish. It can often make even mediocre look good. And even though Man of Steel can often stand on its own two legs just fine, Zimmer’s work at times elevates the film when the narrative finds itself a bit wobbly.

With all of the origin formalities now out of the way, it seems like the franchise is set up to explore more traditional Superman tales. The ending of Man of Steel leaves us with a sense that the next film will take place in more familiar surroundings, and for many who might not have enjoyed this grittier version of the character, that should be something to hang your red cape on. Man of Steel dabbles in some higher concepts than its predecessors, sometimes achieving great things, sometimes missing the mark, but always maintaining itself as entertaining blockbuster fare.

3 out of 5

Slice & Dice Podcast #3 – After Earth

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Jun 132013

In episode 3 we’re hating on the Fresh Prince and making with the man love.

Will Smith used to be Summer’s most bankable box office commodity. Does his latest entry into blockbuster lore stand amongst his best or has he fallen under the M. Night Shyamalan curse? Dan and Steve do their best to ~~save you~~ ERRRRRRRR guide you gently towards a wise choice on whether or not to see this film. (Hint. No.)

But that’s not all. Act now and you can hear us ponder many of life’s great mysteries, such as why it’s good advice to avoid young Russian beaver, how all-you-can-eat placenta buffets are coming sooner than you think and letting your douche flag fly with Dolphin assisted birth. Just to prove we still dabble in the geek world, we’ll discuss the news that DC Vertigo’s Fables is being adapted for the big screen.

Don’t know what to watch this weekend? Check out our mini reviews of Gangster Squad, Dark Skies and HBO’s Behind the Candelabra.

Find us for free in the iTunes store, leave us a review and tell all your friends.

Slice & Dice Podcast #2 – Star Trek Into Darkness

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May 242013

The Ninjas are back and waxing poetic on J.J. Abrams newest entry into the Star Trek universe. We boldly go where no podcast has gone before.

In our weekly news segment we discuss how World of Warcraft is hemorrhaging subscribers, get giddy for ABC picking up Joss Whedon’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for series, wonder if any cares if Jeremy Renner leaves The Avengers and ponder the dangers of mixing kangaroos with politics.

Our douche of the week is also a nominee for Mother of the Year- a wonderful lady that decides the best course of action to treat her son’s gunshot wound is WebMD.

If you’re looking for something to drop into the DVD player this week, check out our mini reviews of Mud, Not Fade Away, Jack Reacher, The Paper Boy and Bachelorette.

We will entertain you with a quick ‘get to know the Ninjas’ segment where you can find out a little bit about our geek credentials and some of the things we like. Because everyone has been clamoring for answers to what Dan’s favorite 80′s cartoon is.

Check us out for free in the iTunes store. Live long and prosper.

No Offense Taken- The Politically Correct Versus The Bad News Bears

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May 122013

Child abuse, racism, underage drinking, public intoxication, drunk driving, bullying…this must be the worst movie ever. No, it’s simply one of the most beloved family flicks of all time, The Bad News Bears. With little league baseball getting underway in earnest across the country this month I found it apropos to kick back with a viewing of the 1976 classic starring Walter Matthau and Tatum O’Neal.

Okay, I’ll admit it- I have another agenda at play here. Am I the only guy left in the world that isn’t offended by everything? Over the years it seems this country has been invaded by self righteous pussies that manage to find offense in just about everything. We can’t say THIS or we can’t say THAT because it might offend someone. Traditions are being bombarded by the PC mafia who somehow decided what should and should not be acceptable. Fuck. You.

Every time I think about the days before our society became so uptight about everything, a viewing of a good 70′s flick helps calm my nerves. Today’s pretentious, euro-Nazi hipster douche bags would probably need emergency medical attention if forced to sit down and watch flicks made in the days before political correctness. And while I certainly don’t condone any, well some, of the less than virtuous moments in The Bad News Bears, it’s sort of fun to revisit a time when people were just normal douche bags that weren’t trying to sanitize every aspect of our lives.

So here are a few great moments from The Bad News Bears that you could never get away with today.

5. Bottoms Up

Well, you can still do this, but it will likely land you in the can at a minimum. I’m not referring to sanctioned events with rules- such as tailgating. I’m talking about being able to crack open a can of suds and sit back to enjoy the scenery on the beach. Back in the day, after a hard day of construction work, a guy could walk out of a 7-11, crack a Bud tall-boy and drive off in his El Camino listening to some AC/DC and the cop parked 2 spaces away would have waved to him. Now I’m not saying a guy should mow down a sixer in the parking lot and then head home, but let’s lighten up a bit people. Sitting in the bleachers at a little league game with a couple of cans of frosty goodness is not harming the fabric of our society. I’m not sure if one scene in the film goes by where Buttermaker isn’t cradling a can of something. Shit, at the end of the flick he shares his bounty with the kids. What’s awesome about this is that none of the 40 or so adults in the final scene gives a shit that the kids are throwing back a cool one. One of my fondest memories as a kid were the times when the old man would pour me a small cup of his liquid heaven for me to share while we listened to baseball on the radio on the front porch of our house. Today some indignant neighbor would likely call child services on you and have the kid taken away for his own good.

4. Coach Turner Gets A Hit

I’m of the opinion that a lot of kids today need a good smack upside the head. There are too many disrespectful little punks in our society these days. Look at the little twat in the youth soccer game last week that punched a referee who subsequently died from the injury. You think that kid reconsiders that approach if he had been taught a little respect when he was younger? Kids today have carte blanche to be little punks because we’ve effectively taken discipline away from parents. Nothing says I’ve learned my lesson like being forced to sit in a time out for ten minutes. There just aren’t any consequences for mis-behavior these days. In the film, Coach Turner gets shunned upon because he smacked his kid on the pitcher’s mound during a game. Coach Turner is a douche, no doubt, but his little punk kid is a bigger douche. The little turd is one of the biggest bullies around. The only mistake Coach Turner made here was not waiting until he got home to unleash his ire on the little punk. Coach Turner gets a bad rap in this scene. All anyone wants to see is that he hit his kid. Since the entire movie establishes the fact that Coach Turner is an overzealous cock that takes this kids game way to seriously, it’s easy to dismiss this event as just an asshole beating on a defenseless little kid. What you forget is that he went out there because his kid was trying to hit Englebert with the ball. His kid was trying to HURT Englebert because his kid is a fucking douche bag. I’m glad someone dropped this kid off his high horse and I hope Coach Turner finished the job after he got home. And while he’s at it, I hope he took a poke at his slut wife who thought parading around the park in her stripper half shirts was appropriate. Skank.

3. Smoke ‘Em If Ya Got ‘Em

This isn’t really anything new, and I’m glad there have been laws passed that protect us non smokers from having to inhale the nasty shit in public places, but this is where we need to stop. It’s none of my business if some dude wants to consume a carton of Chesterfields for dinner each night. There are some self righteous Nazis trying to ban people from smoking inside their own homes. Yeah, I know, the focus is on homes with kids. Look, if you are so much of a douche bag that you can’t take your nasty habit outside to spare the kids having to breath the shit, then I can’t imagine passing legislation to ban it is going to change anything. There aren’t enough cops out there to enforce real laws. Do you really think enforcing this one is going to be high on the priority list? How would that work? At the morning briefing Sarge is gonna put up a mug shot of some kid’s Mom and give an impassioned plea to bring this woman to justice. She continues to kill a pack of Salems a day in the presence of her kids without regard. Careful, as she’s armed with a Zippo and she’s not afraid to use it. Why do we care? It’s not our place to protect people from things they don’t need protection from, and last I checked, tobacco is legal. Kelly Leak inhales 3 cartons of Marlboros by the mid point of the film. Nobody seems very worked up about it. Of course the kid is hitting .824 and shags fly balls like a kid possessed, so they probably cut him some slack. I guess if Rudy Stein fired one up there’d be some sort of intervention.

2. He Said What?

Everybody is racist. Let me say that again….EVERYBODY. IS. RACIST. Now relax, I’m not implying that we’re all card carrying clansmen planning our next lynching or mosque bombing. I’m implying that as our society continues to move toward a more non offensive mentality that we are in actuality enabling racism to continue. You once heard a Richard Pryor joke where he used multiple “N” bombs and you laughed your ass off. Racist! There are plenty of true racists in our world and we should be doing everything in our power to shut them down. But spending energy trying to force the Washington Redskins to change their nickname borders on stupidity. The only people I never hear complaining about the name Redskins, are the Redskins…oops, Native Americans. They don’t care. They have their tax exempt lands and casinos and just want to go about their business. It’s a bunch of hippie asshats that have decided they are offended by the term so everyone else MUST be offended as well. These are the same losers who like to bring up that the whities took their land and killed thousands of their people 400 years ago and we should somehow feel shame and remorse today because of that. Sorry, wasn’t there. Had nothing to do with it. I don’t condone that approach with any future land acquisitions we ever engage in, so I feel like I’ll sleep guilt free tonight. Oh, and slavery wasn’t my fault either, so settle down with that bullshit too. In the flick, Tanner Boyle, the hot headed shortstop, unleashes a line of racist terms that would set race relations back 40 years if uttered on the ball field today. It’s interesting to me how no one seems offended by it in the film, especially those people who should have every right to be so. Tanner leaves pretty much no race unscathed (except Muslims as we weren’t really concerned with them at the time) and no one even bothers to correct him. Maybe because no one ultimately cared? At this stage of evolution do we really need to legislate name calling? Proper people aren’t going to tolerate hate speech and I think that constitutes most of us. I really don’t think singing along to Hail to the Redskins brandishes you a hate monger. But could you imagine a little kid rolling off that sort of tirade in a flick today? Spike Lee would refuse to ever see that kid’s movie again.

1. Bully For You

The Bad News Bears is a clinic on bullying. Back in the day kids policed their own issues. Being a kid in the 70′s was like being in a prison yard. The bully, usually the biggest kid, ruled the school yard, took your lunch money and so on. Every once in a while someone would challenge the bully and either assume the mantle or end up in a pile of broken teeth and blood. THAT was a true bully. Those are the types of kids that need to be squashed like bugs from our schools today. Telling a kid he sucks at baseball, as Tanner does to Lupis in the film, is NOT bullying. Is it harsh? Maybe. But it isn’t bullying. The terminology has expanded so widely that a kid can’t even pick another kid first in gym class without being accused of bullying all of the other kids he didn’t pick. It’s out of control. The “mental anguish” we are apparently exposing these kids to is turning us into a bunch of pussies who can’t handle the harsh realities of life. The “everyone is a winner” crowd is doing a lot more harm than good. Guess what? Everyone is NOT a winner, and if you don’t teach that early on, these kids are headed for a rude awakening later in life. Lupis did suck at baseball. Tanner was right. What happened? It made Lupis want to be better, and when he caught that ball in the championship game, Tanner was the first one out to congratulate him. Everyone got bullied in The Bad News Bears. Verbally, mentally, physically…it was endless. Instead of sitting around and taking it, these kids endured and got better. They commanded respect and earned it. You can look at the Karate Kid in the same light. Rather than run and hide, Daniel LaRussa simply decided he would get better than the bullies and ultimately he won their respect. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m in no way endorsing bullying. I’m simply implying that the more we continue to nanny kids the more we are distancing them from the realities of life. There are douche bags in the world. Better to be prepared for them.

I’m pretty sure this article will meet with more than a few angry reactions. The only intent was to show how different we all looked at society 30-40 years ago. What we think of as a classic American family film is loaded with content we wouldn’t even think of putting a PG tag on today. I’m not implying we should return to any of these ways, just that times were a lot simpler back then when no one got offended as easily as they do today. But I’m sure someone is offended by all of this. It’s a bed we’ve made. Now give me your damn lunch money.

Slice & Dice Podcast #1 – Iron Man 3

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May 092013

In our first podcast in nearly a year, the Ninjas return with a vengeance, waxing poetic and cracking wise on all things pop culture related.

In our first episode back, we drop some serious knowledge on teen mom turned porn star Farrah Abraham, contemplate Carrie Fisher’s battle with the bulge, wonder if movie trailers are giving away too much and discuss the great Mt. Everest Sherpa fight of 2013.

In our douche of the week segment we tell you all about some loser who blew his life savings on a carnival game and wonder just how much money it actually takes to walk away with a dread-locked banana and your dignity.

Looking for something good to catch this weekend? We’ll tell you what we’ve been watching and tell you if any of it is worth your time. This week we discuss the documentary My Amityville Horror and Dan regales you with his take on Rob Zombie’s latest, The Lords of Salem.

Our top 5 this week focuses on the summer movies we are most looking forward to individually, excluding Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness and Man of Steel, because those flicks should be on everyone’s list.

Finally, we dive headfirst into a spoiler filled discussion on the summer’s first blockbuster, Iron Man 3. Did we like it? You’ll never see this coming.

Slice & Dice is available for free download on iTunes. Stick it in your ear. Leave us a review if you like it.

Robert Downey Jr. Is Iron Man- Until He’s Not

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May 072013

The dust hasn’t settled yet on the moneybags been slung around from the Iron Man 3 release and fanboys are already clamoring for “what’s next?” The better question might be “who’s next?”

Apologies to all you Captain America, Thor and Hulk fans, but Iron Man is undoubtedly the jewel in the Marvel stand alone character movie crown. Most of the credit falls at the feet of Robert Downey Jr., who brings the enigmatic, narcissistic Tony Stark to life. And just as his character exclaims at the end of both the first and third films; he is Iron Man.

So herein lies the potential conundrum. Downey Jr. has hinted that it might be getting close to the time for him to hang up his Mark 42 tech and move on with his career sans Marvel universe. While that is sad, it’s inevitable. It’s going to happen at some point whether it’s now, a year from now or ten years from now. While we fans hope the bean counters at Disney will do whatever it takes to keep Downey Jr. on the payroll, at some point someone else is going to have to assume the mantle unless they stop making these films. Based on the box office for the latest, that’s an unlikely scenario.

Perhaps Downey Jr. just wants to do something else. He’s entitled. It’s his career after all, and if he wishes to take it in a different direction, that’s his perogative. Even if it’s making more of those bloated, boring Sherlock Holmes flicks. It’s easy for us to sit and say how stupid he would be turning down a bazillion dollars to keep suiting up as Iron Man, but as they say; money ain’t everything. I’m guessing he won’t starve.

At some point, though in my opinion unwise, maybe Disney decides to gamble on a new face for Tony Stark even if Downey Jr. doesn’t voluntarily walk away. These movies are making so much bank the stars attached to them are eventually going to be unaffordable, especially in the Avengers films where the studio has to dole out a king’s ransom for 6 or 7 different actors. At some point Disney could reel everything back in and re-brand their characters with some fresh, more inexpensive faces. The question remains though, will the fans come back? Can the Marvel universe stay on top by taking the James Bond approach? Perhaps sometime in the future we’ll all be sitting around discussing who our favorite Tony Stark was. We keep switching out Batman and Superman, so maybe it’s not as far fetched an idea as one might think.

Another option is to move the story arcs in a direction that allows Downey Jr. to move on. Events in Iron Man 3 certainly allude to the fact that anyone can don the suit and essentially be Iron Man. Maybe Rhodey takes over and we start a franchise of War Machine flicks (I think Iron Patriot is lame too). The ending of Iron Man 3 opens the door for that discussion at least.

Or maybe Disney just writes a blank check and Downey Jr. comes around and rides this cash cow all the way to retirement. That would be ideal for fans. Regardless what you thought of this recent film, I’m guessing you wouldn’t have gotten nearly the same mileage had another actor come on board for the title role. Not yet anyway. Right now all is well in the Marvel utopia.

Downey Jr. could just be posturing of course. Talks for his return for Iron Man 4 won’t start in earnest for a while. But as the Marvel films continue to break records at the box office, the upper hand swings more in the actors’ favor. We’ll see if Disney wants to roll the dice or not.

Ultimately, I think a change of the guard can work. Fans have to come to grips with the thought of a new Iron Man if they want to continue seeing the character on screen. We’ll see Downey Jr. suit up for Avengers 2, but all bets are off beyond that. I’m not going to get into any debates about who should take over the role, but suffice it that I’m against bringing on a well known actor. I think it’ll take an unknown to succeed in what will certainly amount to an unenviable position. For now, let’s just hope Disney is willing to keep everyone on the payroll to keep churning out quality films. Until of course, they don’t.

Review: ‘Iron Man 3′, You’ll Never See It Coming

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May 062013

When we last left Tony Stark he was enjoying some hot shawarma in a mid-Manhattan deli, as heroes that have just fallen through a wormhole while saving the world from an alien race are wont to do. A lot has happened since then. Tony is mentally traumatized from the events in New York. He barely sleeps. He suffers from anxiety. He thinks thirty foot stuffed bunnies make good Christmas gifts. He is a hot mess. Unfortunately, so is his movie.

Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) assumes the director’s chair for the first film in Marvel Studios’ Phase 2 roll-out. Along with writing partner Drew Pearce, Black set out to forge a new path for the Marvel cinematic universe. Not an enviable position to be in with expectations riding so high courtesy of one Mr. Joss Whedon and his little billion dollar comic book movie that could. Black was given the keys to the Ferrari. Someone should have warned him it shouldn’t be driven off road.

The Disney marketing team should be commended for pulling off one of the biggest coups in recent memory with Iron Man 3. Every trailer made promises that Shane Black wasn’t willing to keep. While he may be the early front runner for biggest gonads at the next MTV movie awards, the creative decisions he chose to go with here are apt to meet with the business end of an angry mob of comic book purists feeling like they’ve just had the wool pulled over their collective eyes.

This is without a doubt a Tony Stark flick as much as it is an Iron Man flick. Stark’s inner demons may be his downfall. The confident, smooth talking narcissist isn’t sure of himself any more, and this allows Black to take the character into new territory. As the narrative plays out, Stark will be forced to rethink everything he deems important in his life.

Enter perhaps the best villain to yet grace a Marvel movie in the Mandarin- a vicious, uncompromising terrorist determined to teach the western world some hard lessons. His muse is a new technology called Extremis, originally designed for medical science to regenerate the body’s cells, but also proven effective as an explosive weapon. No need for me to explain which side effect Mandarin finds useful.

And then, IT happens. Everything you thought you knew gets turned upside down. Casual fans and those with no knowledge of the source material likely had no issue with this course change. For those in the know, let’s just say their mileage probably varied from this point forward.

Aside from the big mid-movie counter punch, Black seems to struggle at times remembering that he is making an Iron Man film and not Lethal Weapon 5. I’m okay with a director maintaining a visual style from film to film, but when the climactic scene in your Iron Man film is reminiscent of Murtaugh and Riggs throwing down against the bad guys it becomes problematic. Black also tends to overdo the comedic aspects of the film. Climactic scenes are never allowed to play out without some compliment of humor inevitably taking the wind out of the dramatic sails. As a result, that big “Hell yeah!” moment never transpires.

To its credit, Iron Man 3 is never unentertaining. Robert Downey Jr. is as natural as he ever is and is given plenty of opportunity to crack wise. Gwyneth Paltrow‘s Pepper Potts is given a lot more to chew on in this film and succeeds with extra screen time. Guy Pearce is equally adept as the psychopath behind the Extremis formula, Aldritch Killian. But it’s Sir Ben Kingsley as Mandarin that steals this show. The role is tailor made for his talents and he brings every ounce of himself to it.

In the end this is a frustrating watch. Big twist notwithstanding, there are too many questionable character motivations and a few glaring plot holes that never allow the film to reach its true potential. Phase 2 launches with a resounding meh’, and like Tony Stark, nothing seems the same since New York. Didn’t see THAT coming.

3 out of 5

5. Bottoms Up

4. Coach Turner Gets A Hit

3. Smoke ‘Em If Ya Got ‘Em

2. He Said What?

1. Bully For You

2.5 / 5